vics ── .✦

😐

h/t toska

i’m in love with this bird doodle, but i’m looking for a set, not just a single vector. i can’t find anything that comes close on pinterest, creative market, adobe stock, etsy, etc.

i wish, when you searched the web, there was a slider below each link. after you visit the link, you could indicate whether the result is warmer – that is, on the right track to a satisfactory result – or colder, meaning that the link isn’t even close to what you’re trying to find.

this is already a thing, i think, in how results are actually ranked in serps; if you click a link and quickly close the window, that impacts how high the page will rank in similar searches. but i’m referring to this happening dynamically per search, without necessarily impacting the overall ranking of a webpage.

because google and duckduckgo were both surfacing “bird doodle vectors” and “simple bird doodle collage elements”; it isn’t that the results were wrong, they just weren’t the particular style i was looking for.

we should be able to stylize our search results.

last modified 6 months ago | reply via email

i think i found the Big Idea. whatever has been cooking in my brain for the past three or four years is suddenly done, the rolling boil finally stopped, everything fading to a simmer.

it doesn’t bring together ev-er-ything i’ve been trying to connect, but it’s close, and it feels expandable.

/

usually, when i have an idea, i spend hours and hours planning it out as meticulously as possible. when i’m done, i’ve basically walked through the most fun parts of the project in my head, and never bring it to life.

or i spend weeks daydreaming, patting myself on the back for what a genius idea i’ve had – “who could have thought of it but you?” – and that never quite inspires action either.

this thing feels so grounded that it’s hard in a different way.

/

it’s like i know exactly what to do; i know exactly what i want this to look like, how i want it to feel, what it want it to do. i can sense it. the work i usually exhaust myself with has been done in the background; it almost feels like i’m running on autopilot, just making my body run the program my brain has already written.

it’s weird! and i have no choice but to follow through, but it’s all so simple that one small step every day is… working.

/

i reinstalled creative cloud, so you know it’s serious.

last modified 6 months ago

eventually when you go looking for the obituary, you’ll find it, and you’ll see your own face in that stranger’s.

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sometimes i wish family could be my life’s work. not childrearing or homemaking, but preservation : investigating, sustaining, archiving. pain relief across generations.

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“all the women in me are tired”

last modified 6 months, 1 week ago | reply via email

in the two-ish months between the election and inauguration, i read more than i had in… yikes, maybe years. it helped, like i was finally orienting myself toward some kind of truth about how the world works now. after this weekend, i feel like i read exactly enough to push myself directly into freefall.

wtf is going on?

the news is acting like the toddlers got into a drawer of safety scissors; the toddlers are wielding machetes.

last modified 6 months, 1 week ago

back in december, i moved my desk out of our shared office into our dining room for better lighting. everything is amplified now, sounds from inside the house and outside of it. the sirens don’t stop. i must be able to hear them from one side of the city to the other. the office was always noisy with fans and other sounds of work, so i guess i never noticed there was so much emergency activity happening in town.

that reminds me: i didn’t expect to feel so entirely out of the loop after deleting facebook, lol. it isn’t so much the fear of missing out; it’s more a sense that i’ve thanos’d a significant portion of my “social network”, clearcutting hundreds of relationships with varying levels of depth, along with a virtual identity, a social doppelganger, i lived with for – wow – fourteen years.

reminds me of that scarjo line in asteroid city: “i never had children, but sometimes I wonder if I wish I should have.” i don’t miss meta, but sometimes i wonder if i wish i should.

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"[e]very moment i’m not writing… i’m eva hesse, lying on that couch"

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eek, j woke up around 6 this morning shaking from a fever. once he got comfortable, i figured it was better to just get up than spend an hour trying to get back to sleep. it's early for me 🥱 and a long day, but hopefully this was the worst of it and he'll feel better soon.

i also somehow managed to change all the colors on my blog... or maybe i reapplied a theme? where's my purple! my custom theme wasn't working on my phone already, but i figured that had to do with, idk, how the site was cached on different devices? the css is still there, but it doesn't seem to apply when i publish it.

update: lol, my browser was in dark mode. i'd just toggled on the option in vivaldi to force dark mode on all pages and thought to check if that was causing it, but forgot i changed the browser color scheme to dark mode from auto. update: i would just like to note that dark mode struck again at 1:52 p.m today. my outlook theme settings were preventing me from using an html signature.

double-also, i found this guide through this roundup and set up a reply via email link at the bottom of my post template. how fun!

i'm writing more since signing up for bear than i have in... definitely months, but i think it's been years since i consistently just wrote anything other than journal entries, personal essays, and atomic notes. i want to dig more into this in a post, but i realized that a big part of my problem was not having an intermediate "form" between atomic notes and the more structured essays i was trying to write (but couldn't start).

my note-taking process is great at helping me link ideas that exist closely together (e.g ideas about identity > social context > social media), but not great at helping me make the leap across truly disparate topics (identity > ... > digital rights management). this likely could have been solved with other habits; i spend a lot of time writing new notes and very little time reviewing the ones i have. but something clicked about going from the ultra-meticulous environment of my ‧₊˚✧ note index ✧˚₊ to something almost opposite.

what i've posted isn't what i expected or planned for my field notes to be, but i've really just been letting myself have at it. i feel like this is where my ideas go to be loose -- to feel a little worthless, maybe, to meander and take up more space than perhaps is justified. they start as tightly constrained, independent thoughts and concepts; they come here to... unfurl feels right; and eventually, hopefully, they're reigned back in again into something a little more refined, more buttoned-up and ready to go out into the world.

bearblog is a gap year for my notes.

feeling: 🍵 content | last modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago | reply via email

planes and crows! a large amount of very loud crows!

feeling: 🐦‍⬛! | last modified 6 months, 1 week ago

it's snowing in florida and south carolina... i was going to share a picture, but guess i need to learn how that works on bear 🤔 see charleston below! no snow here, but j swears he saw flurries this morning before i woke up. he's sick today. two more long days coming up. a memorial service saturday. travel later this month -- i should really set those dates.

i feel... pensive? this morning. more somber than thoughtful. a little blue. things have felt funky for a few days, maybe just the general state of the world. i feel like i'm back in the routine of having so much to do, but very little to look forward to. wish i had time to stop by the bookstore today. i left my copy of art monsters at the studio, so haven't even had that. and this is ideal curling up weather -- book, soup, tea. think i'm going to pick up the pillars of the earth, which is far, far outside of my usual tastes, but i keep hearing how great it is and settling into 1,000 pages sounds comforting right now. on the other hand: when?

feeling: 🌨️ gloomy | last modified 6 months, 1 week ago

bearblog is honestly a dream. and it's not what i thought i was looking for (literally; i assumed blogs "powered by bear" were referring to the notes app). it hits the same sweet spot for me that obsidian does in terms of surface simplicity / deeper customizability. at the same time, bearblog feels different; it feels like i'm curating instead of collecting; like i'm moving in instead of setting up.

feeling: 🥶 chilled

i really like kay's status page status page, so i figured out how to set up a filtered list of posts with the full content... if it works, i'll be able to see this.