ovrnght getaway / what about the kids
we went out of town this weekend!!! it’s been ages since we’ve been able to get away together. we kept it easy and went somewhere we’ve been a dozen times between my friday workday and his saturday workday.
perfect sundress weather in the evening; i had shepherd’s pie for dinner; got a beer from a woman with double dutch braids and full-length overalls (one of my favorite bartender genres, second only to Old Man in Shorts); finally bought a souvenir fridge magnet; grabbed second dinner; people-watched from a porch; got mouthy with a man trying to scare a couple of girls; overpaid for the uber back to the hotel; and we stopped by a diner the next morning before heading home (listening to khruangbin the whole way).
😌
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since turning 30, i’ve become uncomfortably aware that other people see me as an Adult Woman, lol. there are people who only know me as an actual decision-maker at work; there are people who only know me as an experienced dance instructor (?!); there are people who only know me as someone reserved and responsible.
they met me as an adult – maybe even older than them! – and that’s just… their perception of me, it’s how they know me.
i don’t have any negative feelings about this. it’s more that, on the one hand, i feel like i grew up all at once last year; on the other hand, i feel like all adults are just large children. either way, it feels… incomplete? to be seen that way. that / and and all that.
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also since turning 30, i feel very indignant about how we treat children / teenagers / mothers. i honestly used to feel indifferent; i’ve not had kids to avoid the inconvenience of them, so i found it frustrating to accommodate families who made different choices (while recognizing the infinite nuance of everything).
but i think that’s just because i didn’t understand what children are, how they develop, their predictable inability to articulate needs that they don’t understand and can’t identify. behavior is communication. we’re still kids too, etc.
i find them delightful now. it is truly my favorite thing to see a little girl or boy staring at me when i’m at the grocery store or gas station so i can tell them i like their hairstyle or shoes. i’m still intimidated by teenagers, but the same compliments usually work to get a grin from them too.
i read a comment somewhere that said, “one of the best and worst parts of growing up is realizing how easy it is to be kind to kids.” and, yeah. all of them, even when they’re being little assholes, because can you imagine feeling sadness or fear or anger for one of the first times again and having no idea what it is or what to do? imagine having even less of an idea of how the world works than you do now.