knowing yourself through time
When talking about identity, I’m referring to the way we define ourselves – the constraints we use to corral our sense of self into something we can nearly articulate. Some elements of our self-definition are explicable – goals, values, preferences – while others are more nebulous, making up the essence of ourselves.
A strong sense of identity comes from a well-developed self-definition; that is, well-researched, contemplated, challenged. One that is informed by all iterations of the self and their experiences. Your identity shifts and expands and expels over time, so a reliable sense of self is also fluid – trusting, meandering, existing outside of chronological time.
Our relationships with ourselves develop – and so our capacity to iterate, settle, disrupt our sense of self – through dialogue. We learn who we are the same way we learn who anyone is: by asking, talking, probing.
You might already have infrastructure in place to communicate with your past self. Sticky notes, journal entries, reminders – what are these if not letters from them? Isn’t a timer just a way to nag future you into action?
If you do any kind of planning, daydreaming, manifesting, hoping, wishing, wanting, you are also already communicating with your future self. These are the expectations you hope future you will meet.
Defining how we communicate with our current selves is tricker; I’m inclined to say that this especially requires mindfulness, a meditation on the present. At the same time: what else could thinking be?
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Intentionally engaging with these parts of yourself across time allows you cushion your identity with context.
Context provides confirmation.
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Because we lived our histories, we believe we know our histories, we assume we understand our histories; these are different.
Your history and experiences have to be integrated into your worldview, otherwise your worldview is at odds with your embodied sense of knowing. Integration is acceptance, it’s making room, it’s the acknowledgement you’ve been craving.
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When you are disconnected from your history and these different iterations of yourself, your self-definition can fracture, and your sense of identity can weaken: identity crisis.
This can feel isolating and as if you’re untethered. Instead of turning outward for connection and something material to orient ourselves toward, I wonder if our energy is best turned inward. Maybe the isolation you feel is from missing elements of yourself; maybe you feel untethered because you don’t feel situated in your own context.
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